Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
