turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
