so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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