worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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