TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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