Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
