Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
