Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
