Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
