I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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