Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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