So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
