It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
