Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
