if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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