So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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