Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We are two peas in an std pod
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
