if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
