i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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