yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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