everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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