They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
