Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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