Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
