I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
