WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
