rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
