Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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