did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
