We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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