did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
