i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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