we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
