He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
