somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
