Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
