Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
