remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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