Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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