Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
