Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
