this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
