Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
