you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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