my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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