...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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