literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
