I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
