I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
