STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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