My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
