Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
