you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
