Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My balls are so social today.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
MIDGETS
????
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
