She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
