he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
