and next time when you feel me up, do it right
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
