I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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