OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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