Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the condom got lost in my hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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